memorializing mean people at nautilus teachings

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why do people
memorialize
dead people
who have hurt
them,
were
not there for them,
who spilled poison
words upon them,
caused deep pain?
why, why, why?
why the need to feel guilty
for being happy
they are gone?
knowing this one person
can no longer do harm
to any one person
on this planet,
that they will not
abuse
one more
day
you will not smell
their stench,
look upon
their blurred eyes,
cover your ears
as they
verbally assault
you for
‘not bringing them another drink…’
do you think it is easy
to forget the image
of someone you love
passed out
upon the floor
day after day ?
what about them
dressed in your clothes?
or them
selling, buying and making meth?
what about the need
to carry extra cash
when you are out with them
because you know
you will need a safe ride home?
or the knowing
you will never have to cover
another bruise?

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we all live this one life
some
live a damaged one
and find it all
hard to escape…
but,
once we do,
we are so
fucking happy
in finding our ‘selves’
in living
our truths
that we
just
don’t
care
if they
live or die,
because
when they were ours
we begged God
to please take them away
because we knew
beyond a shadow of a doubt
we could not
change them
fix them or
heal them…
we let them hit
rock bottom
we took the
verbal assault of blame
we let them
live a sober clean life
spewing falsities about us
because
we
were
free…
no one knows
when they are going die
but i can tell you one
thing i have learned
every bad person i know
is still alive
and God only took
the good ones…
why is this?

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i told someone i love
who is
mean, mean, mean
that
he is only here still
because God is waiting
for him to change
and that he won’t die
until he finally
spreads kindness
expresses gratitude
and asks those he harmed
for forgiveness…
i am not for putting
any one person
on a pedestal
but i am all for
walking away
from those which
cause us pain
and leave scars…
i do not carry guilt
for wanting someone
who harmed me deeply
in so many ways
to die,
because i know
when they take
their last breath
i will finally
feel
safe…

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