moms middle finger at nautilus teachings

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this week
tuesday
became my wednesday!
i met mom at
the drs. office-
what a mess!
her dr recently retired
which left her without refills
for her much needed meds
and at 87
she cannot walk,
and is in an ALF-
we hire
a wonderful company
to carry her both ways
to her necessary visits-
handi-cab
we both arrive early
because,
“we need you here 30 min early to fill out paperwork..”
i pop into starbucks and get her
a warm chocolate croissant…
the delicious smell
fills up all my senses-
YUM!
we get searched
receive our stickered
name tags
allowing us entry
take the elevator up to 5
and we sit in front of the window
overlooking the river
as we are way too early
and,
“i’m sorry, she had no paper work to fill out!”
duh! i knew that
but,
i do not argue.
she enjoys every bite of her treat
then turns to me and says,
‘let’s go, i’m nervous…’
so we go into the office
and
SIT
15 minutes later we are in
the room with the PA-
a room i hope we never have to go back to
he was rude
cold
incentive
and downright mean…

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here is this small 87 year old
wheelchair bound
new patient
and
BAM!
we endure
try to lighten things up
we ask questions
everyone is answered
with a lecture
not a bit of kindness or caring…
we are then told to get an X-ray
as mom took a tiny tumble
and her hand is a bit swollen
one hour later we are back
upstairs and waiting
this time they move us to
an empty room-
in fact the whole place
seemed empty
which was weird
because it took me 8 weeks
to get her in…
hmmmmmm
the nurse
who is a very kind young man
has a sense of humor
is gentle with mom
and laughs along with us
at our jokes
especially when he tapes moms
lefthand middle finger
because she fractured it a wee bit…
the tape is lime green
and moms finger is saying
‘look at me’
mom and i look at each other
roll our eyes
smile
as i say,
“hey mom! look which finger it is,
what do you say?”
she does not miss a beat
she sticks up both middle fingers
jams them up a bit
and whispers
‘fuck you…’
we are dying of laughter
i think all three of us
wet our pants a bit!

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we are then released
but not before we make
another appointment for three months
down the road
to “check that she is really taking her meds,
and refill her ‘controlled substances?’”
i get that there are rules and regulations
governing some drugs
and i don’t disagree
but in some instances,
like mom
her drugs are all locked up
and administered…
i could not find a loop hole for that one!
throughout our 3 hours together
i hear over and over
‘i’m so sorry, i am such a burden…’
‘i’m sorry you have to be here…’
‘i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry…
being with mom is not a burden at all
i love being in her space
she is funny as can be
incredibly loving and kind
everyone loves her.
at the end of our journey
as she is getting ready to be
loaded back into the
handy cab,
i hug and kiss her
tell her i love her
and the last thing i say is,
“mom you know how i see all this?”
‘how?’, she replies
“i get to be with you. i am blessed to have
a life that allows me the gift of being
with you…never forget that…”
and like always
when to much emotion
chokes her up
she closes her eyes
smiles
then very slightly
raises up both her middle fingers
toward me
as i giggle and reply,
“yup, fuck it all mom!”
may you all be blessed
with one person
who has a great sense of humor
and who changes your life
forever…

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