newborn silence at nautilus teachings

silence is a rare gift
in a house with a newborn,
as is sleep.
sher and nicholas
came home on good friday
tiny bunny hat upon his head
small snowflakes flying,
but the sun felt warm
the day was gorgeous…
they arrived home
and within 15 minutes
her mom was sitting
on the sofa with her
holding her grandson.
“oh sher,
he is beautiful.
he looks like you.
he has your smile…”
she looked at her mom.
her color was off
her wig was crooked
she had on to much eye makeup
she looked exhausted
but she also knew
this was a moment
she needed to hold close
remember every detail
just soak it all in.
her dad and husband
were outside
having a beer.
mom moved with Nicholas
to the rocking chair
she bought sheri.
“time to rock my grandson.
i’d like some time alone with him, please…”
then she smiled
and sher
went outside with the boys.
the three of them
talked quietly about
their newborn son
about hopes and dreams
for his future
her dad asked her husband
how his new job was,
“Good. a lot of work. but if i put
my job first i will be able to provide
very nicely for sheri and nicholas.”
her dad smiled
“yeah, i worked too many hours
to provide for my family.
just don’t miss out.
they grow so fast…”
sher sat down
letting the march sun
and warm 67 degree weather
sooth her aching body.
she was tired.
soon she dozed off.


memories flooded her.
it was summer time.
she was 6
mom and dad were outside
drinking lemonade
taking a break from yard work
she walked up to her father
he grabbed her tight in a hug
shared his drink with her
then said,
“how about a twirl?”
she smiled
nodded yes
and soon
she was flying,
arms outstretched
as her dad held tight
hand to hand
heart to heart
spinning in circles
wind tangling her hair
giggles erupting
and then just as soon as it started
the moment was over.
she never spoke much
to anyone
a few words to her mom
now and then
for the most part
her world was silence…
she opened her eyes
and noticed the men
were now sitting at the
picnic table
munching on snacks
and drinking a new beer.
she rose
walked inside
and
stopped.
there on the sofa
was her beautiful mother
sound asleep
baby nicholas resting quietly
his tummy upon her chest
heartbeat
to heartbeat
what a pair
they made.
they were establishing
their own bond
grandmother
and grandson.
she sat down
upon the floor
letting the sunlight
warm her soul once more
she could not loose her
she had to fight harder
she didn’t know the first thing
about being a mom
she could not live this life
alone…


she would help her fight,
but how?
soon the day ended
her parents left
and the three of them
began to settle down
for the night.
“ya know sheri,
i have to continue to
put as many hours into my job
as it takes. they are grooming me
to take over the position
of director of major lending
in two years. that means we
can build our own house
go on vacations
save for Nicholas’s college…
we just won’t have to worry…”
sheri said nothing.
she just rolled over in her waterbed
said her nightly prayers
and fell into a deep sleep
until Nicholas woke her
needing food and clean diapers.
she loved nighttime feedings
with him
alone
sitting in her rocking chair
smelling his baby breath
looking into his eyes
holding his tiny hands
touching his toes
she never wanted this moment
to end
because she knew the end
meant the beginning of
life without her mother.
once he was asleep
in her arms
she lay him in his crib
crawled back under
her soft covers
and once more was dreaming
of her youth.
“sher…”
she and her mom were
sitting on the front
porch swing,
she was 11
they were getting ready to move
to a new city…
“i want you to know
that i love you.
i will always be here
for you.”
sher just nodded
smiled
squeezed her moms hand
snuggled up close
locking this memory
inside
forever.
the sun rose
Nicholas needed more food
and a clean diaper.
as she was changing him
her husband walked in
kissed her on the cheek
and said,
“i love you…”
then he left.
quiet returned
the doorbell rang
and mom, daughter and grandson
began their second day
of memory building.