noise, noise, noise, noise at nautilus teachings

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dr. seuss writes,
“oh, the noise!
noise! noise! noise!”
in how the grinch stole christmas…
this morning i was
prepping for camp in studio
when i hear
voices yelling
from another office…
my ears begin
to ring
my stomach churns
and my head pounds…
i hate big noise
i don’t like yelling
fireworks
or in general,
most loud things…
i listen to the television
at volume #9
something my husband
cannot even hear
as he needs it at #22…
i have trained myself
to be completely still
silent
and listen…
sometimes
holding my breath
to hear…
i like being a pro
at listening
it’s one of my super powers
i learned as a child
when i was hiding
in my closet
under the red wooden steps
i could hear
my brothers footsteps
from the other
side of the house
even in the woods
across the street
i would know
‘they are coming to get me…’
when i married
that crazy SOB
i could smell his scent
before he arrived
because my body knew
he was near
i would know his car
was rounding the corner
because i felt a tremor
even in my deepest sleep
i knew the knife
was in his hand
ready to threaten me
because his slow
labored breathing
would echo across
my dream…

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now that i am happy
safe
and loved
i choose to remain
in a mostly silent world
i feed the introvert in me
for weeks at a time
so i can be social
when needed
because honestly,
i love love love
to teach art…
i love creative energy
from the young kids,
watching them
place brush to canvas,
seeing their eyes light up,
their pink lips curve
into a smile…
this is not noise
no matter how high
the volume gets
this
is
love…
being married to a guy
who works hard
to be still during
his meditation
because he has always
used noise like
the the tv or radio
to keep him company
just reinforces

1 Corinthians 13:4-84 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

my husbands ears
always ring
my ears
are silent
so when
unexpected crashes
bangs,
words
are deployed
into the air
around me,
my body panics
i lay on the floor
close my eyes
slow my breath
and say,
“dear Lord,
make me a fish
so i can swim
far far away…”

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i would always flinch
when someone yelled
i always would hide
or run away when threatened
this is still my
first gut reaction
only now
i stand strong
in my silence
and as i turn my back
upon that which is
invading my space
i smile,
knowing
the most powerful thing
i can say
is nothing at all…

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