ordinary vs chaos at nautilus teachings




the morning
was bleak
dead looking…
i looked out upon
the river
to find thousands
of tiny surface bubbles
the boys were running around
happy to be loose.
i looked up again
noticing pink and orange
rising up across the canal
behind the trees…
the morning sunrise
was brilliant if you were on the beach
but from where i stood
it gave life
to this beautiful
ansel adams scene…
the color was taken
away by Irma
and every day
as i rose
i felt sadness
envelope me
until i could get in my car
and drive to pick up our grandson…
i love watching him
he is a cuddle bug
very sweet
and rarely if ever cries…
the morning flew by
as we played
sang and danced
while the dogs
entertained him
their silliness…
Ry loves the dogs.
they make him giggle.
and what is better
than a baby giggle?
i settled him in for his 11am nap
and began putting wires
on my new canvases
i need to hang in my studio…
d waltzes in and says,
“they are drilling holes in your walls.
they ripped off all the trim work.”
“bonnie ( our office manager i love to death)
is staying for lunch as the door is open
to your studio…”
needless to say i get angry inside
and say,
“Ry is asleep. I will be right back.”
within 30 min i am back home
with my studio computer in hand
after witnessing a mess
they had not cleaned up
and they moved stuff
they never should have…

not at d
or the workers-it was the management …
why had no one called me?
what? he owns it so i am secondary?
i have no voice?
i’m just supposed to let them
do what they want without
i come hoe to see Ry  in pops arms-
‘he was turned over and crying..’
i think to myself,
he never cries
and his 2 1/2 hour nap
is now not going to happen…
d leaves.
Ry and i play.
he eats applesauce
and his bottle…
his eyes are red
i know he is exhausted
just like me…
i am looking forward to him
taking a cat nap
so i to can close my eyes
and release my anger
through meditation…
he is not going to rest…
we load up
go to the cape royal
and walk the hallways
looking for an answer
from the person in charge
of this whole ‘clean up’
who has no voice message
does not answer her phone
because she is too busy
and has no secretary…
she is no where to be found.
Ry and i are walking
and decide
‘let’s go see Bonnie and pop!”
while Bonnie is cooing to Ry
and he is charming her
with his gorgeous grin
and huge blue eyes
the men -workers-
they left my place a mess
they left the door wide open
with my computer there
and no one called me…
i am
not the
i have asked them all to
please call me
and not bug my very busy
husband who sees 10 patients a day.
he should not have to deal with this mess…
they listen
as my voice elevates
and i tell them
as i give every one of them
my business card
‘call or text me
if you need to get in.
i will come up…
you are not allowed in my space
unless i am here…’
they understand
but i know
they have to do
what the manager of our building says
and she won’t answer her phone
so i write a firm note
and leave it on her chair.
I quickly clean up the mess they made
and notice they have
broken one of my shelves
which holds all my bins…

i breath in
lock up
and go see RY next door
who is now being entertained
by pop…
‘did i hear you yell at the workers?’
he asks me.
‘no, i elevated my voice…
i am
pissed off…
he looks at me like i am crazy,
which at this very moment
i grab Ry’s stroller
and we walk
and we walk and walk
Anger is not healthy,
i know
i am still
I plop Ry into his carseat and crank the air…
we drive
and drive
very slowly around cocoa beach…
he is sound asleep
as i gaze out at my tiny town…
i love my life
i do not like
that someone invaded my sacred space
without me and left it a mess
d did give them the key…
we take the drive to Ry’s house
i carry him in
and as i place him in his bed
awake he is…
and ready to play…
i want to bottle him up
and drink his glorious spirit down.
i kiss him goodbye
drive back to my studio
open my door
and sigh…
i want to cry
but instead i lock the door
drive home
grab a shower
light my candles
and pray
that when they take off
all the trim in my hubby’s office
moving all his stuff-
and his office is-packed –
that he see’s and understands
my anger and frustration today…
and sometimes
life is
i for one choose ordinary
over chaos any day…