overcoming the past at nautilus teachings

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darkness
night
fear
winter
blindness
daylight savings time
exhaustion
stress
fatigue…
today,
at this very moment
how do you feel?
christmas is nearly here
a new year is
knocking on our door
what are you going to do
in 2017?
stay the same
stick to routine
same o- same o
keep it in neutral
be silent
be stuck
stay for the kids
or how it would look?
unwilling to split
up your assets
so you will continue
to suck it up, buttercup?
for the above questions
my response for years, was-
‘yes, of course, ‘
i never believed
i was worthy of kindness
i was not allowed to talk…
when i was a teenager
i loved driving all over,
loved getting lost
because it meant
i was far away from
a life i hated…
now, at nearly 55
i have a slight case
of night blindness
i get lost easily
i am exhausted
from a year of stress
yet,
i have already set
new goals for 2017.

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i love the night
the moon
and stars,
my life.
what about you?
my husband always says,
“challenge your fears
and chase your dreams…”
and this is how
i live my life.
as we age we need
to continue
to seek out learning
or maybe even
unlearning…
when i was 21 and
doing my student teaching
i had to teach in multiple settings…
classroom,
art room
and special needs.
my first day with the
special needs kids
a young man of 15
threw me against a wall
because he liked me.
i freaked out
and it scared me to death.
over my many years of
private teaching
i have been exposed
to people with all
kinds of special needs
i learned
they have a voice
they matter…
they each left an impression
upon my soul
every time i worked with them.
now at the age of 55
i was invited to be a guest
art teacher
in brevard county
for Very Special Arts.
i am humbled and honored
and
i am scared.
oh, not of the kids…
of getting lost
of being late
of not begin good enough…

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screech
halt
stop
enough!
as my husband says,
“sheri, they will love you.
you have GPS.
it will be daylight.
you have a phone.
you can call for directions.
stop worrying so much.”
but isn’t that what we do?
overthink?
wake up with night terrors?
let our imagination work overtime?
fear.
face it
challenge it
conquer it
embrace it
just like you do age…
but never ever forget
fear,
you
can
conquer…
where as
age,
you
embrace
accept
and love
all of it…
the wrinkles
the sags
the sleeplessness
or tiredness
the loss of eyesight
maybe hearing
the aches,
pains and even the multiple
doctors appointments.

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fear teaches us
we have weaknesses
fear is fed
by insecurity
fear will loose
if you challenge it
corner it
drop it
ignore it
just let it go
but in order to do this
you must grow
in confidence
in faith
in the assurance
you will always be ok
if you trust yourself,
but mostly
if you just have faith…
what do you need to change
add
alter
omit
from your life?
i challenge you,
now
today
at this very moment
to write it all down
on a piece of paper.
then fold up that paper
and put it on your nightstand.
in the morning
pick up a shell
rock
object
anything that fills up
your non-dominant hand.
carry it all day
never putting it down
not to pee
to drive
to write
to cook
to work…
right before bedtime
grab your piece of paper
and a lighter.
go outside.
read your paper
all the shit
your are holding on to.
look at the object in your hand
feel the burdens you
have been carrying.
light the paper on fire.
watch it burn.
then put the object
in a place you can see it every day…
remember
we are not meant to carry
our burdens alone
God is everywhere.
let it all go.
feel the release
the freedom
the lightness
of a life
you choose to live
as opposed to one
you were born into…
you can
and you will
become stronger
you just have to
take that first step
towards
freedom…

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