raising your hand at nautilus teachings

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raise your hand

if you ever had
a box with a table cloth
on it for a coffee table?
who used paper plates
plastic forks
and cups
in their early life?
ate pizza for
most meals?
picked up used
furniture on the
side of the road?
(i still do that!)
who ate hotdogs
cooked over a campfire
with their kids
and gazed at the stars
for entertainment?
do you remember when
eating on the floor
on new years eve
with newspaper
as your plate
while you at
crab legs
was a big night
and a treat?
i can still remember
getting my first
pit group in the 80’s.
i had left my husband
taken my tiny son
and started over
i did not care if
i had nothing
i wanted it all to be mine
something i worked for
picked out
loved…
so when it arrived
we sat upon it
and smiled
while my son said,
‘wow this is so soft,
can i sleep on it, mom?’
furniture for me
in those early days
was painting all
my walls with different murals
each room dedicated
to different paths…
ocean and beach walls
in the family room
disney characters in the play room
and on the walls in the bedrooms
hung my sons art…
the kitchen was always
a soft yellow.

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i was good at being lower wage
it did not bother me
to rent a house
drive a older car
get food stamps or
take him to the clinic
for shots and checkups…
some of my happiest days
was when i was young
struggling
with little possessions…
life moved on
another marriage
more kids
lots of stuff-
most bought on time
with monthly payments
drawers overflowed
closets would not close
attic was full…

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

i chose very few pieces
of my life to keep-
my mothers table
her blanket
her blue suitcase
the rocking chair she gave me
when i was expecting my son…
i in turn kept a few things
for each of my children…

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these are the threads of my life
i wish to pass down
and as i age little by little
my home is becoming
very feng shui’d!
we no longer have a
huge pit group
that was passed to my son
just last week
as our new loveseat
and two rocking recliners
will be delivered this week
we are downsizing
preparing for old age
room to move around
for grandchildren to crawl in,
the space open
if a walker is ever needed
our home may be emptying
but our souls are filling up
with enormous amounts
of love and smiles
all filled with memories
we get to share
with our now grown kids
who’s homes are beginning
to resemble our homes
when we were young
mouths to clothe and feed
and life was at our doorstep…
the circle of life is beautiful
d and i are very grateful
for our health
a home
work
family
faith….
right now is our moment
to sit back
and enjoy not being needed,
the calm silence,
walking around the house naked!
whatever we want to do,
we do.
so, as my husband
always says,
in the event i goof up,
‘raise you hand and repeat after me, blondie…
i am embracing aging
i am filled with gratitude
for my life
and i accept all my flaws
because i know
i am unconditionally
loved and forgiven
by God…’

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