reality hits at nautilus teachings

what happens when you
do not accept reality
when you see the world
through rose colored glasses
when you wear your heart
upon your sleeve
when you refuse to grow up?
you spend the morning
and small pieces of the next
6 months taking parenting classes
meeting with DCFS
changing all the locks
paying all his credit card bills
lying to people you love
about his whereabouts
entertaining scheduled friends
who flew to visit
when finally your besties show up
and you break wide open
revealing the whole shitty truth
about the last 15 years…
their eyes wide open
their lips silently gasping
and when you are finished
you hug
they leave
this was sher’s reality.
only this time
she rose up
rooted in her faith.
faith had always sustained her
always seen her through
never let her down…
little by little
one day at a time
she began baby stepping
into the unknown
down the path towards finding out
who sher was…
she called to cancel the boat…
“i’m sorry, you cannot cancel this, but we can
put it up for sale as soon as it arrives.
another option is to put it in the rental program
in tortola, bvi”
she breathed in a heavy sigh
“yes, put her up for sale then…”
as she hung up
his hand grabbed her
spun her around
and the venom of his words
mixed with the twisting
of her wrist pierced her heart…
then he packed his truck
drove away
and did not come back
for 3 months.
she was outside weeding
when a blue pick up truck
pulled up.
the girls were outside playing
when she heard,
“hey girls…daddy’s home…”
they both ran up
and hugged him-
big smiles upon their faces.
‘mommy, daddy is home…’
another huge sigh.

she had just finally started sleeping
through the night again.
she did not acknowledge him.
she knew where he was-
she knew what he was doing-
she did not care
she hated him…
she finished up outside
went inside to start dinner
and grab a shower.
he was waiting upon the sofa
when she entered.
“SHERI…sit down.”
‘no. why are you here?’
“this is MY house. MY family.
you are all MINE…”
she froze for only a second
walked into the kitchen
poured a glass of wine
took a very long sip
breathed in calm
and prayed,
‘oh, Lord, give me strength…’
he left her alone the rest of the evening.
she put the kids to bed
then took her book to bed.
she was just starting to doze off
when he came in…
‘you cannot sleep in here.
use the guest bedroom,’ sher said.
he started to cry
“i am going to rehab tomorrow.
i need $25,000 transferred to
the facility. i almost died three times.
i need help…”
‘oh, shit’, she thought
not again.
the nearly three months he was gone
was heaven.
she began cleaning up and moving out
all of his belongings into his trailer.
she would take back her life.
it was the end of may, almost her birthday.
she had made spaghetti for the kids
the four of them sat at the table
laughing, sharing and eating
when their was a knock
on the door…
she rose up
opened the door and
there he was screaming
the kids froze
sher turned
walked back to the table
and the four of them continued on
like he was not even there.
‘what was he doing here?’ she thought
‘he’s not due home for 2 more weeks…’
he grabbed a plate and a chair
sat at the table
and said,
“it’s almost mommy’s birthday,
so they let me come home early.
i rented us a house on sanibel
for four days…and i made you each
a gift while i was gone…”
he passed out plastic wooden crosses
he strung on plastic string.
no one said a word
except nicholas…
‘what is wrong with you?
you can’t just come in here
and tell us what to do.
why don’t you leave us alone?
i am not going with you…’
nicholas rose up
and went to his room.
the girls sat there speechless.
he looked at sher and said,
“you WILL go.
you WILL have fun.
do you hear me?”
all three nodded quietly.
the girls began to cry
so sher took them both to their rooms
hugging them the whole way.
when she got them settled
she returned to the kitchen to clean up.
he was sitting their
with a stupid grin…
“come here baby. i missed you.”
gag me
did he really think she wanted him?
she paused
glanced at him
was about to speak,
when he continued,
“look what i scored
at the airport!
wanna play?”