reflection at nautilus teachings

Reflection
Reflection
Reflection

I bounce down the same
Damn red steps
i grab for and miss
the same rail, every time…
i land with the same thud
against the closed door
look up
and see the glass knob
reflecting my pain…
I lock myself up
In the same closet
with my colors
blanket and bear
i draw turtles, mermaids and fish
creating a whole family
just for me…
I cry the tears of my youth
As if it were today.
those images
were locked
and sealed tight
inside my tiny self
i never let any one person inside
i never shared
the calm, silent, stillness
of the tethered waters
i never did
until that day
almost 10 years ago.
i knew
I needed to
Let it all go
to give the world
a place to breath
laugh
heal
and know
with me
they are safe…
yes,
I feed upon my past
Because it gives inspiration
To my work…
i write upon every canvas
my life stories-
i have millions,
trust me,
i will never run out
and then i cover up the pain
with brilliant colors
whimsical images
and watch as people
smile,
giggle
and take home
a piece of me…
you may believe
I am stunted
And churning myself around
In the same cyclone of filth,
wondering
will she ever shut up
let this shit go?
WTF is wrong with sheri?
but i ask you, can you
imagine feeling
dirty, worthless, fat
as if no one cares what
you think, feel or say
every single day of your life?
this
was
me…


i knew
I must
Crack
My soul open
If I was to begin to grow?
where i grew myself,
was rotten
i had a weak foundation
my only strength
was i was rooted
in my faith…
i needed to
Stop
The madness…
Are you kidding?
Loose my colored identity?
Erase the memories which flow?
Swim upstream?
Wear an oxygen mask?
I need a theme?
NOPE!
My
Life
Is
My argument
my research paper
my agreement with God
to no longer be silent
to honor my mother
to open up the eyes, ears
and heart of women
everywhere, letting them know
that they are not alone…
i get to
open my eyes each day to my fish friends
I step onto turquoise water colored wood floors
I slip my body into soft blacks and grays
I unfold my visions onto canvas with vibrant hues
As I listen to the meditation music of the sea
My
Life
Is
Silently cornered
Noise infiltrates my brain and makes me anxious
The dog barks and I jump
The timed waterfall pouring into my pool reminds me
That darkness will encompass me soon
I must light the candles throughout my home at dusk
To scare away the demons which blow in & out of my mind
And as the time to un-cocoon myself nears
I huddle into a corner and ask for internal patience
My
Life
Is
A puzzle missing a piece
I must accept the failures of my mother
The weakness of her spirit
I must accept my father was cruel
He ruled over her
I must accept that she was tender
And kind and full of love
I must accept that he was a bully
A grump and absent
I must accept my demon brothers
To be like every other sibling
Brothers pick on sisters
They blame sisters
This is normal???
My
Life
Is
My truths
I must accept my truths
I must grow from love
I must bury the ugly
I must forget the hurt
I must bandage the wounds
I must grow up?
Fuck that!!!
I am so damn mad and hurt
I don’t want to be different
I like who I am
I love my colors
Yes!!!
I suffer
Yes!!!
I hurt
Yes!!!
I stay
Huddled in corners
Writing words upon the wall
I sit
In silence
Painting images that rescued me
As
A
Child…
What
Have
I
Learned thus far?
I learned
That I
Do
Have
A
Story
To
Tell
And
By
Sharing
My
Story
I
breathe
into this world
the grace of my faith
the beauty of my soul
the inspiration of my words
the importance of self love
the need to be grateful
and to forgive
but most of all
all i really want
is for each of you to know
YOU
are
FUCKING
ENOUGH,
always and forever…