releasing stress at nautilus teachings

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stress is harmful
to our bodies
we loose hair
get headaches
forget things…
there are so many
symptoms of stress
it’s unbelievable .
every morning
i wake up
knotted…
my body is
tucked into a
tight fetal position
my hands
are in balls
clenched tight
fingers swollen
from lack of circulation
every joint aches,
throbs
and as i
unfold myself
to greet the day
i feel not just my age
but stressed…
life keeps us all busy
some days
we barely get out
of bed and get
one thing done,
while others
it’s as if we are running
a race to see
if we can “get it all done.”
rest is healing.
i sleep very well
most nights i am
under covers for
8-9 hours
but when i wake
i feel exhausted…
every night
i fall into deep sleep
then i wake
to pee
to stretch
to pee again
and every time
my tiny mind
begins
my to do list
for the next day…

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i quickly shut it off
by saying
the Lords Prayer
over and over
until
once more i wake
from a hot flash
my body tingling
my soul
begging the AC to kick on
as the small fan
i have bedside
barely blows
air across my body…
my husband is
FROZEN solid
two blankets on
most nights
he wanders outside
to sleep in the heat
on our front porch chase …
but i remain
inside
all knotted up…
i long for my arms
to be unbound
to sleep without movement,
to stretch like
a normal person
upon waking
i want to know
how it feels
to not be swollen
from the lack of blood
circulating while i sleep…
tell me,
how does it feel to sleep
unknotted?

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i so easily slip into a peaceful
and calm dreamworld
but as the hands on my clock
tic tic tock away
one by one pieces of my body
begin folding inward,
tensing
and soon
i am in a ball…
when i wake
over and over
it is to rub the anxiety
from my knuckles
to assure my healing soul
that although the ache
may be deep
i no longer have to sleep
with one eye open
in vigilance
i am safe
i am loved…
but the unconscious
dream state i am in
invokes fear
my mind replays
over and over
the movie strips of my life
when i
was
filled with anxiety
always unsure
if tomorrow
i would finally
leave behind
the life i had chosen…
i did
leave it all behind
i did
break open
i did
give everything
to God
and when the sun rises
and i see my husband
sound asleep
beside me
Da Boys
snoozing in their beds
i turn towards
one of my paintings
and say,
‘good morning, God…’

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then i check my phone
to make sure no-one
has stolen anything
from my porch
while i slept
and one by one
i unclench
the tightness
in my limbs,
rise
and begin life
all over again…
stress is a part of life
and managing it
can be a full-time job,
being knotted
will never leave me,
this i know
for it is who i am
and as much as
i have forgiven
and let go
the truth remains the same
what i lived through
will never leave me
it is a part of who i am
i do rise with happiness
and gratitude
within my heart
i am thankful
i slowed my pace
i breath in stillness…
each day i wake
i peel open my
eyelids to greet a new day
and i unfold my body…
i smile
knowing
i have this small
beautiful life
in which i get
to color this big world
one person at a time,
and for that
i am forever grateful…

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