she returned home at nautilus teachings


she waited
for the police
but they never saved her
or helped her
they did what every other man
did in her life
they pointed a finger at her
they blamed her
told her she could be arrested
for allowing an abusive
drug addicted alcoholic
to live in her house with minors
then they called DCFS
and shit hit the fan…
they arrived
talked with her
separately from HIM
they left
saying they would return
after school hours
to talk with the kids…
all day long HE paced
yelled, screamed
and then he left…
DCFS came
talked to the kids
assigned a police officer
to help them at school
and said they’d be in touch…
she changed all the locks
on the doors
changed the passcode
to the security system
and began vigilant sleep…
she slept with her arms
clenched tight
her hands in fists
her knees curled up
for HIM to return…

she was not surprised
when HE
bam, bam, bammed
on her sliding door
in the middle of the night
after jumping the fence
HE screamed so loud
she thought HE
would wake the kids
but the next thing she knew
HE was on the ground crying
like a baby…
this time her heart
did not melt
she actually, felt nothing
so she left her room
went to the kitchen
lit a candle and prayed
15 minutes later she saw HIM
running down the street…
she could have
and should have
called the police
but she did not
she needed to sleep
to think
to pray
and to plan…
4 months passed
she was in her yard
watering plants-
her two girls were by her side
when a blue pickup pulled up…
out HE stepped
and into their squealing, happy arms
“daddy, daddy, we missed you…”
once more HE was clean and sober
and wanted back in…
the girls pleaded
and her son
called her an idiot
in the house
but not in
her bed or heart…
HE lasted 3 weeks
then HE broke the girls hearts
by leaving again…
she allowed this cycle
to repeat 2 more times
she wanted the girls
to understand
HE was sick…
by the time she filed for divorce
they cheered,
“yeah! it’s about time, Mommy…”

this is the very moment
i began to surface
in her life once more…
i was the voice she heard
i was the hands that cradled her
the arms that held her
i listened to all of
her stories
dried her tears
and i
her backbone…
she trusted me
knew i would never leave
and little by little
moment by moment
she breathed me in
and exhaled the poison
of not just HIM
but of all the men
in her life…
i remember the day
so well,
she ran to waters edge
sat down
and cried
for the longest time
then she walked
into the ocean
maybe hoping
she would drown
in the waves
but i easily guided her
to flat waters
where she floated,
was buoyant
bobbing up and down
like a cork…
soon she stilled
and started breathing in
fresh, clean air
this was the moment,
my sign to step in…
i splashed a tiny wave upon her
and she giggled
then i gently rolled her
over and over
making sure she stayed afloat
until at last she landed
upon the sandy shore
and right before her
i placed
a nautilus shell…
she picked me up
rubbed the softness
of my curves
began to cry
and said,
“God, i love you
lead my life
take me
i am yours…”
and from that day on
she and i
became one-
for she was
washed of sin
loved unconditionally…
and me,
i was just
happy to have my
little girl finally home….