silent loving from afar at nautilus teachings


one life can echo another.
fashion trends repeat.
if you are patient
long enough you will
get to wear those
bell bottoms again!
i have a true story to
share with you-
there was a young girl
who heard her father
blasting her mother
with bitter, offensive
damaging accusations,
all the while controlling
what she could and could not do
with her life…
the girl grew up,
married, divorced
and married again.
this marriage
was no better-
worse even,
than her parents
but she believed this is how
men treated women
you take it
and shut up…
she remembers her mother
revealing her heartbreaks
to her in numerous conversations.
the one that stuck the most
was her oldest brother
would come home to visit his friends
from college and never ever
call his mom or stop and see her.
she would find out after
he had returned to school that
he indeed was in town…
on the day she told her daughter
she also said,
“sweetheart, i hope that never happens to you.
i would cry and cry it hurt me so bad.
i loved him and he just walked away…”

their relationship
was permanently damaged
and never mended
even upon her death bed…
so, it was of no surprise
when one her own children
found themselves in an abusive
relationship and stayed.
this caused her extreme heartache
and a big cavernous break
in their relationship.
when the girl finally left him
her mom was so proud.
when she spoke of living
away from her mom
and being with her dads family
she embraced her daughters new path
and stayed silent.
they all loved her
she would be safe.
fast forward 6 months…
the mothers phone rings…
“i am so sorry, i know this must hurt you…”
her friend was told firsthand
“he’s driving up to move her back here…”
once more the moms
heart broke
she lost all her air
her body numbed
as the reel of memory
making her instantly grin
and shake her head…
she cannot make decisions
for her adult children
she has no say
if she wants to stay
in their lives…
this she knows.
this she learned
by her own repeated
loose lipped mistakes.

she would not be that person
she would embrace
their relationship
accept it
and just keep giving it to God
in prayer…
secure in the knowledge
she has no control
she waits
for the phone to ring
one day,
her child on the line saying,
“hey mom…just wanted you to know….”
it is at this exact moment
she will pause, breathe, pray,
pause, breathe and say,
“well, darling, isn’t that just wonderful…
it really must be true love…”
she will then hang up
cry until the tsunami
leaves her soul
the above will be the only lie
she will ever tell her daughter
from this day forward
she will love her
from afar and in silence…