soul exhaustion at nautilus teachings


has decided not
to leave me yet…
the past 6 weeks
have been a bit stressful
as i have been needed again
like i was when my children
were small…
during these past weeks
i gave everything 100%
up to God…
i have always given most
up to Him
but during this time of my life
i realized
He wants it all…
He does not expect us
to be warriors
to be carrying a load
of shame, hurt, pain, regret, sadness…
i noticed a few things
changed in my life already…
first and foremost
i feel this warm calm
after i have prayed,
it is easy to remain this way
as long as each time i am
stressed, anxious, confused, feeling week,
if at all these times,
i release it to Him,
i have peace.
the next thing
which totally took me by surprise
was how tired i feel.
i am a champion sleeper,
happily snoozing 8-10 hours
each night
my hot flashes may wake me
but within seconds i am back
in dreamland…
i would wake up with
a running list of the days chores
write them down and begin…
when i wake
after a day of mindfully praying
followed by my nightly ‘sleep of the dead’
as d calls it,
i feel washed clean of worry
there is no need to
jot down on paper
the days must do’s
i simply roll out of my soft covers
rise up
and begin…

i never worry
that i will not accomplish
each task
because i live
within the knowing
God will see me through.
my entire life,
faith has been my center
and 12 years ago
i began my healing
and building a new infrastructure.
i have worked hard
to become strong
find my voice
have courage
and feel worthy of
this one, beautiful life…
i spend much time
in conversation
with God
and i do give up most
to Him
but when my handsome hubby
went through surgery
a month and a half ago
and began needing me
in ways i never imagined,
only God could help.
now that my love is on the mend
i will continue to release it all
because this feeling of
soul exhaustion
is absolutely
how i want to spend
the rest of my life…
Giving everything up to Him
landed me upon a level
of stillness
i never imagined
has filled my entire being
with pure happiness…