striving for the middle at nautilus teachings


“when you get there
ask to go to the middle…”
words from an elderly man
at 4N to my hubby
about 7 years ago
as he was helping this
man get into his car…
since he has heard these words
they come up in conversation
and i think of them
each time i am striving
for the impossible-
for nearly 11 weeks
d has been rehabbing his foot
and for the same
amount of time
i have been running
myself ragged,
stressing about
‘what does he need me to do,
oh my gosh i forgot to…’
and then i stop
and think about
‘the middle’…
this man was talking
about heaven…
you see he was
wheelchair bound
and his lovely wife
was struggling to get
him in the car…
“i just wanted to see
the ocean one more time
before i get there,”
he shared with d…
he did not look as if
he were dying,
but evidently he knew…
in fact we all are dying
a little more each day
and every morning
when i open my eyes
i greet the dawn with
“good morning God,
thank you for waking me…”
then i begin to strive
for the middle.
i know i cannot get
everything done on
my ‘to do’
and on d’s ‘to do ‘ list
which for these past few
and future weeks
has been merged into
one ginormous
“sheri list”
i was rising at 5am
every day to work out
and begin the tasks…
by 8:30pm i was falling
into a fitful sleep
til 2am
then every 30 minutes
would wake up,
check the time
and think,
‘i have 30, 60, 90 more minutes…’
and fall back in to dreams…

needless to say
over the past week i crashed hard…
my body rebelled
and i began sleeping till 7
prioritizing my list
doing each task slow
treating it like a wednesday morning-
my morning i lay in bed
after getting d out the door
have my coffee and write…
i am not a middle child
i am the baby
so being in
and striving for
the middle
has been a challenge…
then i think about heaven
do i want to be in
“the middle?”
not really.
what i want
is to be the one
on the sidelines-
you can thank my
introvert side for that…
i want to be watching
then what i really want
is for God
to assign me to be
one of the minions
who gets to paint
the sunrise
the sunset
the rainbows
in this world…
i want to be be the breeze
blowing your hair
the soft blanket
wrapping you in comfort
and maybe even
the one who greets you
when you come home
with my tail wagging!!!
the middle…
i love this.
i love what these few words
did for my Einstein hubby
they slowed him down…
whenever i see him
winding up
stressing out
worried over
mom or his patients
i just smile
and simply say,
“baby, stop…
strive for the middle…”
this makes him take a breath
and remember
the man
at 4N
a gentle soul
filled with such
simple words
of wisdom…