surviving truths at nautilus teachings

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a woman is traumatized
from a brutal attack
physically hit
tied up
gagged-
she is powerless
to the anger directed at her
but not about her…
another young beauty
across the town
is cowering in a corner
shielding her ears
from the obscenities
being hurled at her
while her children
sit outside the door listening
crying, wanting to save her…
and in a gorgeous room
lit with candles
flowers bedside
she is young, crying
and repeating the words, 
“no, no, no….i don’t want to do this…”
as he decides she teased him so much
he will get what he wants…
in many homes throughout the world
children of all ages grow up
witnessing some, all or even worse
of the above frightful, demeaning,
shame filled acts
wether they are forced
for weeks, months, years
even a lifetime
to submit to these
monstrous crimes
against women
somehow they each
find a way to endure
they turn to drugs, alcohol,
cutting, depression, prostitution
to name a few
some become people pleasers
yet punish themselves
in the privacy of corners
closets, dark rooms
the lucky ones
have faith,
turn to God
find counseling
have a support system
to move them to safety…

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but let me take you to a time
of innocence lost
a young beautiful brown haired
tiny 5 year old
who felt hated by her family
different, unwanted
lived with daily criticism
physical abuse
the harsh words…
but,
when she was alone
she saw beauty
she felt the grace, light and love of God
and found healing
in a closet
under the steps…
stepping out of safety
meant silencing her voice
becoming an observer
never turning her back
flinching at every noise
checking under her bed
in the closets
and finding hiding spaces
every place she wandered…
she invented this magical
water filled world
and within this world
found air bubbles
which fed her air
colorful friends
which brought a smile
to her face
and assured her
one day it would be over
and she could once
and for all live her truths…

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maybe your life has been
nearly perfect,
or somewhat fabulous
or had some bumps
but nothing traumatic
but
maybe you are more
like this little girl
a bit of this
a little of that
not fitting perfect
but absolutely
in the reading
you have an understanding
as tears gently glide down
your aging cheeks
your heart begins
frantically vibrating within
your chest
looking for cracks to
suck in fresh air…
if even the tiniest piece of you says,
“oh, my, yes…i understand…”
if you then begin to break open
let the water gush from your beautiful eyes
if you fall down upon your knees
and begin to pray
understand –
i am there with you…
and if you feel lost
don’t know where to turn
how to cope
how to let it go,
know-
i am here for you…
i once was a little girl,
just like you
and today
thanks to my faith
i began a new journey
12 years ago
and i can tell you this one true fact…
“yes, i still break down, still have horrible days,
still cry, still ache for a life that was taken away,
but, my dear friend
mostly,
i rejoice
i pray
and i am filled with gratitude
for my tiny, beautiful,
colorful life…

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