tackled again at nautilus teachings

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my cell phone rang out
“brown eyed girl…”
i open up the conversation
with
“hey beautiful, how are you?”
i can feel her smile through
the phone
and i know before her pink lips
echo the words
but i listen and wait…
“hey, i will be in town
and i may have time to see you…”
she continues on…
“well, we have been having
nice conversations…
and i will see him…”
my heart begins to break
yet all i do is listen…
a bomb has been dropped
and i must remain true
to my vow
of silence…
this is what broke her-
no
HE is what broke her
and she is willing to
give him another chance…
i am churning inside
as i fill up with the muddy waters
of shame…
she learned this from me-
not to go.
to forgive.
to take it.
to stay.
to endure
the hurt
because the heart,
the soul
was young and weak…

we cannot make decisions
for those we love
no matter the danger
the hurt ahead
all we can do is be there,
love them
and listen…
i draw a curved line
like the sky blue
at the top of the hopscotch
and all the lines below
are boxes
(1)faith
(2)voice- (3)self worth
(4)courage
(5)acceptance-(6)forgiveness
(7)strength
(8)love-(9)energy
(10)flight
(sky blue)air
this is the path i will walk with her,
as i roll the shell
onto a number
each day
i will wish for her
whatever is in that box…
i will keep her in prayer
i will not judge
and i will stand on the side lines
of her life
as i see her run towards her goal-
to be happy, loved, married and with kids…
i can’t stop her
i can’t change her
i can’t even be a guide,
for the young heart
is stubborn
it heals fast
and beats to a song
i heard in my young adult life too…
my eyes are old
my heart is healed
my scars i wear with pride
for i have overcome
because i was always buoyed by my faith…
i breathe in and heave a deep sigh…
faith she has.
it runs deep in her veins
i must trust her decisions,
even if every now and then
i have to run onto the field
with water and prayers
to revive her latest tackle…
she will never be out
because she will
always, always, always
hold my heart…

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