talking to yourself at nautilus teachings


do you ever talk to yourself?
if so,
do you answer back?
we have all seen people
walking around
arms stretched upward
eyes gazing
toward heaven
they aimlessly
words rolling off
their tongues
not caring
really if anyone is listening
because they
are too caught up
in thought…
now some may say
‘they are a little bit cray cray…’
but are they really?
maybe they have chosen
this lifestyle
speaking their mind
about anything they wish
on street corners
at bus stops
in front of churches
or what about the guy
who sits outside
nodding his head
almost toothless
one foot missing
or the young man
who walks up and down
A1A smiling
eyes cast upward
sometimes stopping in
for coffee
or a bathroom break…
one of the things i
remember about my home,
is the guys who would
be preaching the bible
in the middle of winter
usually holding up
their handmade signs
‘praise Jesus’
‘Jesus forgives’
i once read an article
that stated
a large number of the
choose to live this way…

this made me sad.
who would choose to be
homeless and why?
i have not seen many woman
wandering the streets
mumbling to themselves
and i think this may be
because women as a whole
are more vulnerable
to be harmed in some way
and we will share an apartment
with 6 other women
or find a shelter
before we even would
consider living on the streets…
i love to talk to myself
whether i am cooking
‘whew, that’s too spicy, boys…’
‘you would think just once
he could wipe down the
f’ing sink, but nooooooo…’
‘let’s see if this color looks good…’
i guess i figure i am not
really talking to myself
but to my dogs
who are always by my side…
the boys answer with
tail wagging
they tilt their heads
wait for me to drop samples
of tonights dinner
my boys will even dance
with me
and if i start singing to them
they lay down
roll over and wait
for me to scratch
their belly…
d thinks i am cray cray!
he calls finn and reef my kids
they protect me
which begs the hysterical question
do the dogs talk themselves?
Finn talks all the time
he is a moaner
and if you are ignoring him
he will stand up
walk over and moan
he is my challenged child…
silent unless
he sees anything move outside
on the front porch
then he howls long and loud
almost like holding a bad note…

11 years ago my father’s first
visit here
i drove he and his wife
in my convertible
to Melbourne to see
a family friend.
it was a beautiful fall day
the sun was shining
music was crooning the oldies
as dad sat in the backseat.
on the way over i noticed
his lips were moving
and he would chuckle
we had our visit
then traveled home…
i noticed his lips moving
eyes lit up
then that laugh again…
after arriving home
we sat poolside
with our favorite beverages
and i asked my dad
‘dad, who were you talking to
in the backseat on the drive?’
my dad did not skip a beat
“myself! Sher! who else better
to talk to? i laugh at my jokes
like what i say
and there is no arguing…”
this made me smile
and think
now i know where
i get the crazy from.!’
but really
who cares if
we chat with ourselves
or wander the streets
with a message we need to share?
we all just want to be heard
to be listened to…
i for one
buy the man outside
a sandwich and water
whenever i see him
i wave at the young man
wandering down A1A
and if someone is talking
i listen…
my favorite thing
i see people doing
is cussing in cars
at the maniac drivers.
i see their middle finger
fly up
their lips open wide
and i just know
the are screaming
in their car
‘you f’ing idiot…
did you not see me?
use your blinker!
then i giggle
knowing i do this all
the time too
which means
the whole world
has gone just a little bit
cray cray!