tears from heaven at nautilus teachings

running in the rain
                             running in the rain

my feet hit the ground
my bones ache
from sleeping fisted
tied in knots…
i dislike the fact that this is how i sleep
but so many years of vigilant sleep
of not knowing what or who will wake me
or how, has left me with this bad habit
of sleeping defensively –
always ready to be attacked
and as hard as i try to not do this
well….old habits are hard to stop.
i say, “good morning God, let’s talk…”
and off i go…
i get to the end of the driveway
and i feel tiny
tap, tap, taps of rain
on my cheeks…
i look up and hear
“let’s go…”
i look up and the sky over the ocean
is the most beautiful pinks
but the rest of the sky is dark
i feel the tickling of drops
as i round the corner picking up speed
i am quiet…
i feel a pulled muscle in my calf
i forgot to stretch out
before my run
take a deep breath
and listen
the first thing i hear
“tears in heaven…”

i think about my mom
and how much i miss her…
at my son’s wedding
they are having a remembrance table
and i am to bring a picture of my mom…
and sad
as i think to myself
what picture do i bring
i only have a few …
the rain falls in steady long wet lines
it’s warm and really
just an irritation and not a comfort
as now i am a wet sweaty mess…
the song keeps echoing across
my mind…
“tears in heaven…”
my intuition is telling me something
i feel and hear voices
thinking to myself
who is crying at this very moment
over loss, sadness, pain…
i say out loud,
“God, whomever they are,
just be with them all today…
they need you more than me…”

mom and me
                                mom and me

i am overcome with emotion
as my mothers image
floats into my mind
she has on a fuchsia pink dress
she is smiling
she has her real hair
it is from my wedding to my son’s father
a time before diagnosis
a time before pain
a time when i stood with her
in the knowing
that i was beginning my adult life
a time before her last breath
a time when i could hear her say,
“oh, sheri, you look so beautiful…”
28 years have passed
yet i still hear her voice
her hands are now mine
and as i prepare to
watch my son take this step
into adulthood
i am making sure
i breathe in all the goodness
beauty and blessings of life
that i live in gratitude
through my faith…
i see the porch light of my house
the rain is still gently streaming
tears from heaven
as i end my run,
look up into the sky
and say,
“thank you for my life
and tell Mom i love her…”

this is the one
               this is the one