that’s life at nautilus teachings

there it is.
you are smiling
people are all around you
music is crooning
wine is poured
people are munching
you mingle
say hello to everyone…
a few, ask you questions
and then there is the one guest
who’s words shove you
downward
and all you can do is spiral
onto the closest
safe landing spot.
without warning signal
or prior knowledge
the world
becomes
one
teeny
tiny
town.
has this ever happened to you?
you are traveling,
at a friends house
maybe at work
the dr’.s office
or even in line at
the grocery store…
you meet someone
who knows someone
you know from your past
and WHAM
you cannot shut up
asking questions
to test them
is this real
or is this person a plant
because someone is following me
wanting to harm me?
paranoid much?
when you have any type
of difficult past
be it family, exes, friends
or just something stupid you did
when you were young,
and you have already
asked forgiveness for it
thought you had laid it to rest
but all at once
this tsunami of memories
and feelings-
the good, bad, mad, pissed, hurt, fuck you
consciousness
emerges
and
you
are
floating
back in time…


upon landing
your armor goes up
fists clench
heart begins to race
old scents, images and sounds
echo across your mind
while next to you,
the “planted peeps”
are smiling laughing
saying things like,
“girl, you and i will be best friends…”
“i was meant to meet you..”
karma?
blessing?
warning?
should you send up the
signal flair?
raise the white flag?
excuse yourself
and run?
in most cases,
none of that will work
because you are in a situation
you have not chosen
no matter how trivial it may be
so you stay
glued to their every word.
all around you
people are boarding the plane
or brushing against you as they
walk by to grab a beverage,
the guest speaker is
yammering on
your name is called
to enter the dr.’s office
and you don’t answer
until the receptionist
finally raises her voice
and gets your attention,
or it’s your turn to check out
and the people in line behind you
are saying,
“come on, already!”
what do you do?


you cannot ever stop this
from happening,
sure you can turn your ear away
not engage
delusionally think, ‘this is not happening’
but in fact
it does,
to every single one of us
at least once in our life-
more for some of us
because some tend to no longer
attach to one person at
a young age
and live
the rest of their lives
with them
so we do run in to
ex family
ex loves
ex step children
ex in laws
ex friends
and more likely than not
these exes have shared
the untruth of your story
with many people
because lets face it
some people like to lie
and gossip and tell
quite a huge fish tale
because it brings attention
to them!
reality is
we
don’t
know
if the person
who seems to have
some shared memories
of people we know
is real,
yet nostalgia
tends to warm our heart
make us yearn for home
or the good ole’ days
it is only in the process
of growing up
and older
that we can grasp,
it’s just all good,
‘planted peeps’
or not.
you decide.
for me
i cannot resist
grilling them on facts
only i would know
asking them tricky questions
one could never answer
unless you were in
the very room with me
and this supposed person
they “know too.”
and then,
there it is,
they
KNOW.


this recently
happened to me
and although i was
laughing it off on the outside
i was feeling creepy on
the inside.
why is it stuff keeps popping
back in your life,
the sharp edged spears
that hurt you the deepest
crushed your world
broke you apart
what is it about life
that can be so damn
frustrating
you want to stop time
put duct tape over their mouths
rewind the reel of life
and un-invite them?
lessons.
something God wants me to learn
and never question again…
for me it is trust, safety, faith…
trust i am strong enough
He would never put me in harms way
i am safe always through my faith
if i continue to believe and pray
for guidance.
i was being asked to trust God.
so, i sat back,
listened to their stories
laughed with them
accepting their words
as truth-
because they knew way
to much for it not to be,
i kept floating back
towards them
smiling
chit chatting
about the party
and in the end,
the
hug,
smiles
and the common
knowledge
that this person
we have in common
truly is a mf
a crazy
unbalanced
lost soul
that both of us
in another place
and time
just happened to know.
it wan’t karma
or the devil
it
was
life!