the house that built me at nautilus teachings


Miranda Lambert
sings the song
“the house that built me…”
when this song plays
i close my eyes
and i am immediately
that small girl once more…
i see through
her young eyes
feel her softness
as the memories
twirl inside me….
i feel at home.
i see my mothers
soft smile,
smell her chocolate cake baking
and feel the roughness
of the blue braided rug
upon my tender skin…
i remember the rug burns
i would get from
being wrestled with
by my two brothers…
i begin to doze
allowing my hair to blow
across my now aging face
as d drives the car-
the sun is warm as
reel after reel of memory
begins weaving in and out…
i see my young cheeks
my gaze is off in the distance
i have on my navy blue
with tiny white polka dots dress
with matching pantaloons
green apple in my hand
i am 6 years old
and already so many truths
are being boxed up
within me.
i feel myself squinting
from the blinding light
of memory
the house
that built me…

mom and us kids 1968

the drive goes on,
d reaches for my hand,
squeezes it,
as i turn my head
glancing at him.
he too is caught up in
a memory of his own
as my very tough
yet soft hearted love
gently wipes his eyes
and sniffs back some tears…
we are together on this road,
our journey in life.
we chose each other
knowing we both
had been terribly hurt
wearing scars from past lives
two broken shells
joining together
to become whole…
we all have stories to tell
we all have memories
we boxed up and put away
never wanting to open them again,
but this man i love
encourages me
every step of the way to
open each one
release and
heal the memory
then give it flight
upon the wings of faith…
his love
allows me to open up
and share with all of you
my different paths of healing…

he watches me climb
into my box
sees me try to tuck
my now grown self
into something
not quite big enough-
he gets my madness
my needing to share
with the world
‘you CAN heal…’
“want me to photograph you in it, babe?”, he asks
i look up at him
and know i am blessed…
i smile
give him my iPhone
and say,
“thanks love…”
he helps me heal
in my own creative
artsy, maddening way…
so i invite you to
be brave
and join me on my
FB journey-
the girl and the box…
how many boxes
do you have stashed away?
that’s what i thought…