the letter at nautilus teachings


he knows
it’s coming
he hates
the day after a fight
she writes
him a letter-
he feels bad enough
he does not need
to read about
her feelings
and how he hurt her
or disappointed her
how she was broken
how he reminded
her of her dad
or brothers or ex
but this fight
was different
this fight
she wanted to die
she asked to be taken
from his life
and as he listened
to her wailing cries
it made him angry
so he yelled
louder and louder
told her to get counseling
told her to go on meds
and then her eyes
glaring at him
filled with so much liquid
her nose was running
on to the soft lips
he loves to kiss
she finally
everyone thought
it would be him
they all told her they were
“worried he might have a melt down…”

who am i

but he did not
he would not
he could not
and so she did it for them both.
the bedroom is dark
and she
is unhinged
she tells him to go away
to leave her alone
she tells him
she hates him
he retreats
she falls into a restless sleep
and at 2:00am
she wakes…
eyes nearly swollen shut
she rises
and leaves him sleeping.
mindless tv helps
and soon she goes back to bed
and wraps herself up in his arms
she loves him
he loves her
they will deal with this mess
but for now
he must leave
for a week
and she will be
left alone
to clean it all up
put it all back together
sew the pieces of
her own self
back on
and then greet him
as if nothing ever happened –

i will not back down

she’s magic like that
she knows how
to do this
she’s had years of
wearing different masks
she has a great imagination
and has almost perfected
the art of make believe…
the night is over
he is gone
she is silent
ready for stillness
knowing full well
today once more
she must put on armor
and fight one more battle
before she can fall
into the blue healing waters
and find her buoyancy…
she will miss him
she will pray
she will lock herself up
within the palm of God’s hand
and not step out
until his headlights
signal the return
of her true love
like herself