the one who got away at nautilus teachings

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she was the one that got away
the one that folded back
up inside herself
leaving behind
every belonging
including my heart…
i was the one that got to stay
opening up old memories
finding papers
and letters
handwritten
with words i would never hear
she was the one that got away
from the pain and madness
of what life can bring
leaving behind
an emptiness
i could never fill…
i was the one that got to stay
with a broken heart
in a world i did not belong
knowing i would
live my life
like an unfinished song…
she was the one that got away
her laundry still
crinkled in the hamper
jewelry upon her dresser
even her wedding ring
was left-stranded…
i was the one that got to stay
stealing pieces of a life
unfinished
from a man
who stared blankly
into the depths of failure
she was the one that got away
her last book
binding cracked
still open to page 175
glasses perched upon
the words “this was the day…”
i was the one that got to stay
writing upon paper
painting upon canvas
sharing the words and images
i held captive
keeping life at bay…
she was the one that got away
no more slipping upon
ice covered steps
weeding the garden
cooking meals to eat
or toilets to scrub…
i was the one that got to stay
tumbling down
the red wooden steps
each time my strength
and my voice
was taken away
she was the one that got away
leaving him all alone
rattling around the big
empty house
still smelling
of her perfume…
i was the one that got to stay
rebelling against
a life
i never got to choose
by falling into
an abyss of lies…
she was the one that got away
no more job
no bills to pay
free from responsibility
hands now finding stillness
feet without shoes

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i was the one that got to stay
finally finding
air to breathe
buoyant in my faith
rooted in my truths
i began to speak…
she was the one that got away
floated down the stream
upon her tiny boat
wind in her hair
smile upon her face
she was free…
i was the one that got to stay
fighting every day
the demons of my
unsettled consciousness
until one by one
they landed upon acceptance
she was the one who got away
who faded
like your favorite
pair of blue jeans
becoming softer
with each passing year
i was the one that got to stay
unfolding myself
unlocking the cage
taking flight
into the rest
of my unfinished life
she was the one who got away
who now floats upon the breeze
that kisses your skin
and who gazes at you
from old photographs-
the ones you packed away
i was the one that got to stay
a girl without her mother
never understanding
why you were taken or
why a daughter was left alone
to walk this life without a home…
she was the one that got away
the lord took her
from me
so many years ago
leaving an unpaintable canvas
filled with many holes…
i was the one that got to stay
stitching up the gaps
with golden threads
of memory
finally able to paint
the stories of her soul…

eyes