thedaybefore THE DAY at nautilus teachings


i am home
back to where
the wind calls my name
tangles my hair
the waves
slam down upon the
receding sand dunes
where nature runs wild
spirits free
and memories
seep into every pore of my being
as briskly
as the sting of the cold
autumn noreaster
which decided to visit
just for today…
i bundle up in my warmest cloths
leggings, leg warmers uggs,
long sleeve tee
and long sleeve sweatshirt
i add a pair of hand warmers
open the door
and am knocked backwards
down the red wooden steps
of remembrance
of playing freeze tag
my bones ache
my nose drips
eyes water
teeth chatter
i place one
mother may i step
in front of the other and begin
my day-
the day
before my son
gets married…
last night
he popped over to say hello
give me a” hug
share a drink and
tell me he loved me
then he was off
to his fathers big rental
with all his friends
and the excited anticipation
of being surround by those who love him
laughing, celebrating, playing beer pong
and as he so beautifully stated
“i just feel safe there mom…”
he and his bride will separate at midnight
with one last ‘singles kiss’
and as is tradition
not see each other until 3pm tomorrow
when she walks down the isle
beaming with all her incredible beauty
and soft smile
giggle always ready to slip out
making her eyes shine
with love for my son…

how do i feel at this moment?
like i am
on the outside
looking in,
just as i did for so many years
of my life…
i will see people i have not seen in 23 years
they are all here
embracing my son
uplifting him
surrounding him
with the unconditional love
of family…
we are small
doc, my two girls and i
my beautiful friends Rae and Jean…
we are the other table
the one
on the outskirts
the buoyant blue waters
the celebration of my
sons life taking that huge
mother may i step
forward with such
ease, grace, love and faith…
i breathe in deeply
i will stand with my faith
in confidence
with courage and strength
over the next two days
taking it all in
just being
mother who loves
her son
with such ease,
that remembers his
first breath
a mother who can
trace her life
in the face of her
now grown
beaming with love
adult son
beginning a new path
with his wife…
may God bless them
their marriage
their love
and keep them safe
not just today
but everyday
of their shared life together…