time to pee :) at nautilus teachings


12 years ago
i was dreaming
of peeing
which was totally
so like me
but this time
a young girl
peered over the top
of the door
at me
‘excuse me…’
the young girl cooed
‘i forgot my coat,
boots and cane
in there…’
i looked around
and hanging on the door
was all three…
i flushed
opened the door
and i was staring at
a younger me?
‘the cane
was my mothers,
the coat
my grandmothers
and the uggs-
well..’ she continued
‘those are mine…’
i was fascinated by her.
i recognized
all her belongings
as mine
so i washed my hands
walked back to her
took her hand and we strolled…
as we did she began
‘my grandmother
and mother both died young.
but i found out today
that my mother
who died from
acute myeloid leukemia
was one of many
women who died the same year
from a fruit fly…’
i looked at her puzzled
and confused
and before i could speak
she continued on…
‘my mom and dad loved wine.
back in 83 they traveled
all over wine country
in california and had their
favorite wines shipped to them.
evidently one batch
had infected fruit flies
which carried a disease…
now, i know leukemia is a
disease of the blood,
but my mothers immune
system was already weak
and this disease
infected my mother
so fast
she ultimately died
along with
hundreds of other
women with like
deficient immune systems…’

i looked at her stunned
and wanting to wake
up and take a real pee
in my earthly toilet…
the young girl
put on her uggs
her grandmothers coat
grabbed her cane
and opened the door…
a cold breeze nearly
knocked me over
so i stilled myself
the sun was blinding
coming through the door
so i raised my hand to shield
my eyes
‘ya know, sheri
no matter where i go
i carry pieces of those i love
with me…
most people cannot see them
because they do not have
the strength
of faith
like you do…
i was sent to you
not to tell you to
get up and pee
but to wake you up
to shake you
to throw reality
in front of you
stop hiding
from the world
get out there
show them who you
and just like the wind
she turned
and was gone…
i stood alone
in my own
and cane

just then
josh groban crooned
‘you raise me up…’
my alarm was singing
so i opened my eyes
looked around my room
at the life i had built
my handsome hubby snoozing
beside me
boys in their beds
belly up, sound asleep
welled up with gratitude
and whispered,
“good morning, God
thank you for waking me up
to life 12 years ago,
but mostly
thank you for waking me
every day…amen”
and then,
i raced
to the potty!