unflattening at nautilus teachings

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my frayed edges
are a myriad of colors
mostly hues of blues
they are tattered
unraveling
pieces of them are torn
words are stretched
almost swirling around
encompassing my entirety
memories
are woven in and out
like fine threads
some have huge knots
in them
signifying
a broken time
now mended
through
faith, forgiveness and love…
my eyes swollen
bulging actually
like an over stuffed package…
it is Sunday morning
candle lit
coffee and the boys
by my side
the day awaits
hovers
like a vail
filled with anticipation
excitement
and wonder…

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today i get to wrap
small packages
to send to baby girl,
today i am beginning
to put together
small boxes
for each of our five children
already i can see them
each labeled
painted
and in the hands of the postman…
i am wondering while i do this
will the flatness i feel
become the ebb and flow
of the holiday spirit
i am still seeking
this year?
and tonight
as a few of our
close friends
gather to enjoy
our annual Costa Rican Christmas
celebration
while we are all laughing
the music playing
the stories being shared
will peace and
calm stillness
envelope me
floating me back
into my sacred
Christmas warmth?

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i am blessed.
this i know.
doc and i both are healthy
we both live
and work our passion
my holiday paint bash
is this week-
a night i
love, love, love
and the final
kids create christmas is
next Saturday…
for the most part
i am myself
wrapped up
in many colors
all the memories
of this
wonderful
trying
hurtful
beautiful year.
like my painted tables
in my studio
like the boxes
i paint and mail
pieces of everyone i love
stay with me
live with me
and honestly
make up my world…

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what a life i have
been given
born an island girl
in a midwestern town
saved by the color blue
and the atlantic ocean,
not to mention
one handsome doc
and the thousands of
beautiful faces which
grace bali studios
all year long…
i am ready to begin.
coffee gone
boys getting a bath
i rise up
in faith
ready to celebrate
as i click, click, click
new memories
which begin
the second half
of my life…

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