unrooting life at nautilus teachings

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the woman
was rooted
to a life
she had accepted
feeling as if
she never deserved more
she
silenced her voice
she held her
dreams
captive
she
never fed
her soul
so she was
weak,
with low
self esteem…
her middle
name
was trouble
never grace
and she settled
for him
mr. meanjeans
because he was just
like her father
and her brothers
he was like
every man she had
ever loved
a liar
and mean…

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oh, sure
she turned often
to prayer,
but she never
listened
long enough…
she was always worried
he would be
driving up
listening in
peering from
the other side
of the room,
always flinched
at abrupt sounds
ducked quite frequently
trembled
at the slamming of
the door…
her ears were
overflowing
with ugly words
hurled at her.
in fact they were so packed
a nice word
never penetrated
her soul…
every day
she did as she was told
she took care
of the kids
the house…
well,
the everything
he or anyone else
needed.
she never said no,
only
what else can i do for you…
she was so deeply rooted
even her devoted
wonderful and funny
hair stylist
could not
color her
different hues…
one day
as she was talking
with her beautician
she said, 
“what can i do?”
‘well…’ her friend whispered,
‘all we can do it shave it off
and start over…’
there eyes met in terror
“really?”
‘yup…’

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so on the drive home
she bought a razor
and that night
when the kids were
sound asleep
she stood before
mr. meanjeans,
who was
definitely well ‘lubed’ up
and smoking his
favorite weed
on the dock outside
while looking at the moon
probably contemplating
how he would torture
her that night,
and she spoke
“i fucking hate you
and i hate my life
from this day forward
i am taking it back
i am cutting you out.
the kids and i are leaving…”
then
the strength of
her faith welled
up inside her,
she stared him straight in the eyes
and began
shaving every inch of her
soft golden locks
while he stilled himself
chuckled a bit
and when she was finished
he said,
“now, what?running home to daddy?
well, you are not taking my
fucking kids anywhere
so do us all a favor and get
the fuck out of our lives…”
then he turned and faced
the moon.
she did not run
she did not cry
she turned
walked back into her home
put her children
in her already
packed to the gills car
lit the match
and drove away
while the life
she built
went up in flames…

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