values at nautilus teachings

be still in faith

when asked what
the one value
i hold dear,
that i cannot live without,
the answer was obvious-
Faith
close behind was
truth…
having no self worth
no voice
no confidence
feeling unwanted
unloved
ugly
fat
and being extremely
introverted
(which back in the day
was called painfully shy),
i relied heavily upon
my faith
for comfort
guidance
rescue…
it was where i knew
i belonged
i fit
and that i could be
myself…
there was not a day
i was not on my knees
in prayer
in my angled, tiny closet
under the red wooden steps
i believed
and still do believe
taking everything to
God in prayer heals…
feeling the calm hug of Him
especially when i was being
shoved down
spit on
sat upon
and yelled at
i felt blanketed
within this warmth
which encompassed me
allowing me to breathe…
i know it was God
to this day
this still happens
only now i sink into stillness
and feel such
remarkable peace
i release all control
and feel the smoothness
of my faith…

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my mom always taught me
to speak my truths
and to this day i
do not have a poker face
if i even try to tell a tiny fib
i crack up laughing,
hence i always tell the truth
the hardest part
was learning to be silent
that not all truths need to be told
hurting people i love
because of my honesty
was a tough one
so i replaced my words
with my ears
and became a listener
heck, it was just last year
i vowed i would never
share my opinion again
nor would i give in
i would remain an observer
hearing all that was given me
but choosing to
pause
pray
pause
think
pause
and then maybe speak…
it works for me
and i have really mastered
the breathing in techniques too!!!
what values do you hold dear?
my list included about 10 total-
then, pick one or two…
what can you not
ever live without?
in realizing the top value(s)
in my life
it is much easier
to let it all go
to give it to God
and just live
in the knowing
i am
and always have
been
enough…
i just needed to trust
that speaking my truths
buoyed by my faith
was the only path i needed…

sheristewart-nautilus-waterfaith