what did she see at nautilus teachings

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what did she see
from below
standing
upon tippy toes
eyes wide open
ears listening
what did she feel
from below
tiny, tiny soul…
what did she see
from below
crouching in
the corner
hair hanging over
her face
knees tucked in
words hurling towards her
fingers plugging her ears
unable to block the sounds
‘ugly, fat, stupid, adopted…’
feeling
unworthy
unloved
unwanted
filthy, dirty
full of shame…
what did she see
from below
on the bottom
of the hill
behind the
gnarly oak tree
she hid quietly
waiting patiently
heart beating fast
listening for your
feet to squish the ground
praying they would
run past
just forget she
was even born
feeling hunted
like their target
knowing she was
never really safe
unless she was
under the
red wooden steps…

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what did she see
from below
laying underneath
the crooked
twisted grape vines
as the summer sun
peeked through
the cracks
blinding her
as she munched
on sweet fresh fruit
letting it
tickle all her senses
the the bees buzz by
the birds happily chirp
and her best friend
giggling beside her
feeling safe, loved and free
as their hands
intertwined
their smiles grew wide
and they believed
no-one could ever hurt them
as long as they were
together-
two peas in a pod
communicating
only through osmosis…

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what did she see
from below
his young frame
the wad of spit
his boogers
as he repeated over
and over
‘big baby,
scream
cry
go tell mommy…
i hate you…’

hearing all the while
the bigger one
egging him on to
push harder
to let the drip
fall upon her
and even
to trespass
his heated breath
upon her tender
freckled skin
as he hovered
taunting
pressing knees down
upon her
to trap her
feeling scared
locked up
and unable to breath

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what did she see
from below
sitting upon the
shag carpet
under the dining table
brimming with homemade
goodies and food
while foot after
matched foot
swooped pieces up
landed them upon a plate
and wandered off
only to have one hand
reach for her
pull her up
hold her
and put her to bed
hearing all the voices
laughing
talking loudly
in words she did
not understand
feeling embarrassed
wanting her mom
to leave all of them
and to just be with her
telling her over and over
she was safe and loved…

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what did she see
from below
eyes wide open
what did she learn
from below
ears listening
to every word said
what did she feel
from below
alone
tiny
silenced
caged…
is there anybody out there?
seeing, hearing and listening
to her cry
or are they all echoing
the words she’s heard forever
“oh grow up
it wasn’t that bad
you big baby
shut up
and move on…”
look at her toes
they are rooted
in her faith
read her words
they tell the story
of strength, courage and healing
touch her skin
she is on fire
burning
with confidence
worth
and the
grace, light and love
of her faith…
is there anybody out there?
she doesn’t really care.

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