what do you see at nautilus teachings

when you look outside
what do you see?
do you see the weeds
that still need to be pulled
the dying flowers
which need to be plucked
the paint that is peeling
on your house
the pool that needs
to be cleaned…
how do you see
this beautiful
mixed up world?
when i walk out
my front door
the first thing i see
are my two tall christmas palms
who’s red berries
have fallen to the ground…
i love the berries
their brilliant color
against the clear blue sky.
i love how the squirrels
munch upon them
after they carry them
to my seawall
sit upon the brain coral
and fill up their bellies
without a care in the world…
i love gazing up at my
all my tall palm branches
waving at me
towering above me
as i squint
blinded by the sun
by their graceful beauty…
i look at our chaise
and see images of family gatherings
baby girl stretched out
with the boys and her computer
d quietly playing his ukulele
the last time mom visited…
we live on a canal
like so many of you
but i don’t see the houses
i see my giant gorgeous oak trees
Rylands baby swing
floating in the breeze
my beloved bench
all my friends from the OBX
gave me when i moved here
i see a beautiful mosaic
of vibrant colors
all surrounding me
which sometimes is
embellished with the
swift movement
of dolphins feeding
manatees floating
and fish jumping…

i know the world
is in trouble
i know my lagoon
is no longer clear
i know people are
ending friendships
over race
sexual orientation
and politics…
i smile
feel blessed
express gratitude
put others first
play with my dogs
walk on the beach
and try to inspire
those who know me
to be a better person,
let all the crap go and
love themselves…
what do i see
when i clear my vision?
let the noise of
the world in?
still myself
and observe?
i see
could you say i wear
rose colored glasses or
i turn a deaf ear and
refuse to see or
listen to,
learn about
or fight
for a cause?
you could,
but it is who i choose to be.
i refuse to left any one person
anger me
tell me what to do
or believe in…
i hate fighting
and arguing.
i love spoiling people
i love being alone
painting all day
crawling back into bed
after d has gone to work
with my computer
and extra large coffee
to write
with the boys asleep by my side…
i love to light my candles
and watch netflix
with the AC cranked down
before dinner
and go to bed before 10…

noise has and always will be
difficult for me to process.
it overloads my brain
making me want to run screaming
naked down the streets!
in the rare times
someone yells at me
my first response is
walk away
get in a car and drive away
punch them in the face
kill them!!!!(lol)
i see this wonderful
complex world
filled with so many
endless possibilities,
it takes my breath away
in small moments
with tiny miracles
and a million reasons to smile
and even more
to be grateful for…
when you look outside
what do you see?
more importantly
when you look inside
what do you see?
sometimes i am still
that scared little girl
trying to find a safe place
to hide…
but for the most part
i let her grow up
become her own
thinking person…
i protect myself
by monitoring
every thing and person
who is allowed spaces
of my time
here on earth.
sure i still get hurt
still want to flee
still end up
inside myself
that will never happen again…
can you pull so far
within your own self
that you lose
touch with reality?
but you can also choose
to look with nonjudgmental eyes
listen with an open mind
refrain from that comeback
turn off the news
open your eyes
count your blessings
and above all
love the one you are with…
what is it you see?
for me
i choose
the calm peace
of another gifted day
giving me an opportunity
to make people smile…