what’s in a name at nautilus teachings

 

 

how many ways do people say your name?

sher-
my mother would echo my name
sheri berri
was my sun tanned summer name
sheri lynn
was what my Aunt called me
sarah
what my father wanted my name to be
gigglegigglegiggle
how my best friend said my name
harriet cooper
my brothers called me this
sheri
my mother would whisper to wake me
SHERI LYNN!!!
what my mother said when i was in trouble

isn’t sheri….
ever going to speak?
does she talk at all?
is something wrong with her?
why does she hide under the table?
is she sad?
Sheri Lynn Schultz
the name i was registered under
when i was admitted to the hospital
for the very first time
what happened to her?
how old is she?
does she have any allergies?
Schultz
5 year old child
trauma to head
“swallowed tongue”
convulsions
bruising
won’t speak
we are sending her home

sheriiiiiii 🙂
the magical way my water ballet instructor
sang out my name
“you will be a mermaid today”
or
“today you are a sea turtle”
“today you are bright colored fish”
shara schulty
the name i was introduced as
in my new school
by the dumb teacher
as i hung my head
in embarrassment
hair covering my face
schultzzzzzzz
“you are up next,
do as many sit ups as you can
followed by as many
push ups as you can…”
hahahahahahahahaha
what i heard as i did
3 sit ups
and
zero push ups
“when you wish upon a star”
all i heard in my head my whole life
i was going to work
for
disney
it said so in my yearbook
i was accepted to the
art institute
i had won numerous art awards
in High School
“you cannot make money with an art degree, Sheri…”
the words my father yelled
at me over and over
as i held in my hand documentation
that stated
I had what it took to enter the art institute
who do you think you are?
i will not pay for your education
if you pursue an art degree
you will go to the college i pick
and major in business
do you understand?
“ant” sheri
the size i felt
when told this
as the truth about my life
crawled over my entire being
i was never going to be
“a real live girl…”


Schultzy
the nickname given to me
on my first day of college
by a girl who became my
best friend-
italian beauty
“favs”
her smile made me feel warm
and
her big eyes
mesmerized me
ssscchhultzzzz
how my name sounded
as it rolled
off the tongue
of my football, sex God boyfriend
Peter Appleton
#16
great ass
crooked fingers
curly hair
soft smile
killer blue eyes
catholic
my first…
!shitsheri!
what my pastor said to me
before my fist wedding
when i told him
i just cannot do this
i did it anyway…
oh sher…
my mother’s words
when she was diagnosed with
6 months to live-
sigh
sad eyes
tears
hand squeezing
sigh
jesus sher
“your mother is not going to die…
she will get better
stop worrying…”
“are you crazy taking your mom for a walk”
“you killed her”
“get out, it’s your fault”
jesus sher
sheri, sweetheart
i’m so sorry about your mom
i loved your mom
your mom was so proud of you
your mom loved you
you look just like your mom
your mom will be missed
shaereee
flowed from my beautiful red haired
nephews tongue
i love you shaereee
can i stay with you
where are we going today shaeree
McDonalds? the zoo? the park?
shaeree, i love you sooooo much
…smile…
sheri pafford
the girl i became
so my mother would smile
and dream of white picket fences
grandchildren to spoil
and the tea we would sip
in the back yard
sheri ellison
my rebellion name
my thelma and louise
period of life
when i married a drug addicted
alcoholic
cross-dressing
beach bum bartender
and had two
beautiful girls with
slut, whore, cunt, bitch
slowly i was being erased
from what little life i had
i was not longer
“ant” sheri
i was the lice upon the ant
i was the bug upon the lice upon the ant
i was
dirt
no, i was the dust upon the dirt
‘just sheri’
how i introduced myself
to people i would meet
“hi, I’m Sheri”
sheri who?
“just Sheri”
you don’t have a last name
“not one i like…”
suspicious look
grin
and
then
o.k., just sheri it is


so, sheri
i set out to find
in my words
my colors
the blue calming Atlantic ocean
the baby butt soft sand beneath my feet
in my children’s smiles-
in my own cornered world,
i began to unfurl…
tiny scattered mosaic pieces of me
seeking to leave behind
the stench and filth of my life
handprint
how i began signing every painting
no first name
no initial
no last name
i was just
me
the
tiny
girl
whose
mother
once
held
so
tightly
in the palm
of her
hand
and
who’s
hands
mine
now
echoed
blondie, babe, babycakes
the names
i am called
by the man i love
the one who
i married
who i took a leap of faith upon
that there is love
in life
that happiness
does exist
that i am worthy
that i can breathe
without breaking
i can smile
without tears
i can give
without expectations
i can receive
and not feel guilt
i can paint
and be accepted
i can write
and feel release
i can be silent
and it’s just fine
i can just be
Me!
sheri
sheri lynn
sheri lynn stewart
sls
i
have
returned
to
the
initials
i
was
born
into
how
forboding
is
that?